The Art of Difficult Conversations
An online course with Sara Ness and Geof Krum starting in April
Why do conversations about important topics often feel like battles instead of inquiries, and how do we move beyond the ‘us vs them’ logic of the culture wars?
We might try to convince the other side with facts, or to defuse the tension by finding a grey area that satisfies no one. Neither tactic really works. Instead, we can embrace polarity, moving toward difficult conversations and using them to open new ways of relating that take us somewhere we didn’t expect.
That means learning how to skilfully navigate conversations we might normally avoid - with those we love, and those we don’t - by developing our innate curiosity, flexibility and playfulness. When we do, we start to see the complex, nuanced people behind the issues, hot-takes and tangles that often cloud how we connect.
That’s the premise of The Art of Difficult Conversations, a course I’m collaborating on with Sara Ness and Geof Krum. It begins on April 11, about a year since they first ran it through Rebel Wisdom. It was was one of our most well-received courses, with more than 100 people gathering from five continents to learn new ways to relate, converse, play, poke and inquire. You can find some testimonials below, but some of the most consistent feedback we received was that it gave people the confidence and the skills to express themselves in new ways, listen to the signal in opposing views, and connect more deeply with the people in their lives.
As debates over politics, gender, race and class heat up, those capacities are becoming both harder to find and more important than ever. We often get caught up with what we’re talking about and forget that how we’re having the conversation is as important (a dynamic I explored in my piece about the Protopia Lab). When we focus on the quality of our relating, we quickly open up new possibilities in the knottiest of conversations that can take us somewhere unexpected, exciting and exhilarating.
The Bigger Picture paid subscribers get 10% off ‘The Art of Difficult Conversations’ - keep an eye on your inbox tomorrow for the code, which I’m including in a paid-subscriber only piece about consciousness and AI, focusing on the weirdest aspects of Microsoft’s new chatbot
What You’ll Learn
Along with Authentic Relating and Circling practices, the course will teach you techniques drawn from mindfulness, Internal Family Systems, Polyvagal Theory, Nonviolent Communication and more. We’ll also teach you models and theories like Sara’s Context, Content, Concern model which I’ve found invaluable in my own life and as a facilitator. In my session, I’ll take you through a variety of easy to use cognitive and emotional practices I group into Flipping, Blending, Holding and Twisting which I’ve developed through years of engaging in knotty cultural conversations.
You’ll also receive an extensive 40 page Playbook full of theory, exercises, practices and memes galore. We’ll tell you what we’ve learned as facilitators creating spaces for these kinds of conversations, and teach you techniques you can apply to your daily life. We’ll also explore lessons from some of history’s most skilled conversationalists and negotiators.
Testimonials
“Way beyond concepts and techniques, this is a chance to practice and learn authentic relating in the heat of difficult conversations.” - Marie P.
“The course has given me access to and knowledge of communication practices useful in my daily life that are already benefitting my current relationships and new ones I encounter. Sara & Geof have a very beautiful way of holding space that feels safe, inclusive, holds attention and facilitates the transfer of knowledge.” - David E
“You will get insights and practice you won't get anywhere else, with the very best people you won't meet anywhere else. Some really useful frameworks for thinking about conversations and an objective perspective for rethinking subjective elements of conversations.” Carla G.
“The course was great, loads to reflect on, excellent course materials to take away and fun and enlightening role play games to help practice difficult conversations and skills for handling them.” - Jenny C.
“I definitely have come away with some useful frameworks and tools to "arm" myself with. Everyone could use these tools! This course will give you some deep insights into navigating not just difficult conversations, but all your relationships in life with greater ease, confidence and grace.” - Lauren W.
About Sara Ness
A pioneer in dialogue practices like Authentic Relating and Circling, Sara is a creative powerhouse and a renowned facilitator, teacher, and community-builder. She is internationally notorious for having popularised the field of Authentic Relating. She’s worked with tens of thousands of students, from Google and Mindvalley to Burning Man, teaching authentic leadership and authentic communication. Among other projects, she co-founded and ran two of the longest-running Authentic Relating communities in the world, including Authentic Revolution.
About Geof Krum
Geoffrey Krum is a facilitator, producer, photographer, chef, poet, and several other things. He has managed thousands of employees and volunteers to create everything from festivals to juice manufacturing operations. Geof's passion is in creating beautiful, no-bullshit human-centered systems that run themselves while slowly transforming the world. He prides himself in the artful coordination of passionate specialists toward common goals.
How the Course Works
The course begins on April 11, 2023 and will run on Tuesdays at 7pm London time / 2pm New York / 6am Melbourne for eight weeks, with each session lasting two hours (they’re all recorded in case you miss one). Sessions will contain a mixture of content (theory and knowledge), relevant examples, and real-time practice to apply the skills you learn. We’ll focus on key models and techniques to help you in the hardest conversations, which you can take away and use immediately with family and friends.
You’ll also meet weekly with a small ‘pod’ of three or four others on the course to practice what you're learning. You'll receive weekly challenges, access to recordings of the sessions, and supportive resources including a workbook.
The eight weeks are carefully structured around helping you understand and navigate conflict and complexity from three levels: the internal, the relational, and the philosophical. You can read about these levels in more detail on the website.
‘The Art of Difficult Conversations’ is designed to help you approach polarised issues as a more effective communicator; able to visit the world-views on different sides of the culture wars and find creative ways to bridge them. It’s about understanding the psychological and relational bases for our conflicts, and walking across ideological lines to a place of deeper connection.
Above all, this is a chance to develop skills that can have a real impact on your day to day life, at a time when it feels more important than ever to find ways to communicate across divides and create lasting, authentic connections.